Things I Learned About Myself in the Last Few Days

You always hear people say things like, “The true measure of someone’s character is how they respond in a crisis.” Or some version of that. This week my family experienced a crisis, and I think I responded in some pretty unhealthy ways. Not feeling so great about my character.

Unhealthy Response #1: The overwhelming need for junk food. I know some of my family members had upset stomachs all weekend and couldn’t even think about food. I, on the other hand, wanted to stuff whatever crap food I could find in my mouth. As a rule, I don’t eat fast food. It grosses me out. I will maybe eat at Freddy’s once a month. Maybe. But who stuffed her face with Sonic and Taco Bell this weekend? This girl. Who ate at Freddy’s twice in 4 days? Me. And normally I do a good job keeping my snacking to a minimum, but not the last few days. If I wasn’t at the hospital, I was eating. Talk about “comfort food.”

Unhealthy Response #2: Assuming the worst is going to happen. I couldn’t keep the negative thoughts at bay. I even did research and found that mortality rates were something ridiculously low like 2%, and it still didn’t make me feel like things were going to be okay. I was trying to be strong and optimistic for my family, but inside my head I was going crazy with doubt. This unhealthy response made me not like myself very much. And it scared me.

Unhealthy Response #3: Self-medicating with retail therapy. Making myself feel better (briefly) by purchasing a new pair of shoes. And a new bag. And makeup. I leave the store feeling so great, and then get in the car and feel guilty. Both because I should be worrying about my family, not shopping. And my bank account couldn’t really handle any self-splurging.  But you know what makes me feel better than shopping for myself? Shopping for others. I got so much holiday shopping done in the last 3 days, it’s ridiculous. Why does spending money make me feel so good?

Needless to say, I am feeling pretty crappy about myself right now. Luckily, everything worked out well in the crisis department. Maybe now I can start feeling a little less crazy and a little more like myself.

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